silence is also music.

Monday, July 07, 2003

narcolepsy

the sun hangs from an invisible string,
the glassless window is opened,
the chirping sounding from dying birds:
today must be like yesterday.

when i learn to fly with these broken wings,
i want to take a journey to the sun,
and cut he string from which it droops,
before it falls into a state of narcolepsy.

yet still, i wonder,
does the sun dream like i do at night,
when darkness engulfs all light?

the moon overlooks land with blinded sight,
the stars give out their last glow,
from the looks of it, yes, so very unfortunate,
hope has been kidnapped by fate.
it's late.

this symptom may be our only cure.
in slumber, everything is ideal.

imaginary, too.

(c)2003 mai kozai

silence is also music. {5:42 PM}

*sidenote: this is a poem that many will not understand, even if you know me really well. iteven jumps from a third person perspective to a first person. a thorough explanation can be given upon request. however, i would love it if you tried to decode this yourself at first. it has more than one meaning after all, poetry. ~enjoy.

writer's block

[puts down pen]

why i cannot write anymore,
it boggles me.
why i cannot voice freely this feeling,
it is a mystery.

[picks up pen]

nothing comes to mind,
nothing is worth writing.
no-- there must be something
that will fuel this pen.

[starts to write]

words, just words.
if they are just words,
why does my hand hesitate?
do they know what i know not?
maybe a tragedy,
a form of misery, perhaps.
or something so sacred
a mentioning with media could breed chaos.

[stops to write]

[places pen on desk]

or perhaps that words
cannot do justice
of the beauty
of the man
walking
away
from
me.

or maybe it is the warm caress
wringing all the air out of me,
yet leaving me warm.

[picks up pen one last time]

your middle name is happiness.

silence is also music. {12:23 AM}

confused about time

each minute spent
seems so short and insignificant.
sometimes useless, these minutes.

but each sixty seconds accumulate into
hours and days.
but even then: break it back down,
only mere seconds.

is this the way i will roam
a circular road,
familiar faces, echoing voices?

to spend time with you,
will cost me a price.
worthwhile or not,
i've already paid my dues.

idle, i am busy.
frantic, i am calm.

for each tick, you irritate me.
but for each tock you soothe me.
and time drifts me off to sleep.

(c) 2003 mai kozai

silence is also music. {12:05 AM}

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

s-l-o-w-m-o-t-i-o-n

each move i make can be missed
with the blink of an eye.
and you-- you blink many a blinks
and your beautiful eyes do not see me.

but when you m o v e...
each action is recorded, stored
in my mind that has collected
so much of you already.
and even now, you s w a y
to that music and da n c e.
s l o w l y,
and so gracefully articulate.

all i want is for you to dance
with me, put both of us in

slow motion

so you won't miss me next time around.
s lo w er.
i have so much to say.

(c) 2003 mai kozai
~ for a friend of mine who has the courage to voice what he feels for a special someone, but lacks the essence of hope. best wishes.

silence is also music. {3:13 AM}

insomnia

hours after sunset,
i climb out of my coccoon
and let my tattered wings spread.
like a refuge i run for safety,
swerve through sleepy cars
and dangerous minds.
this is the thrill
of the ill.

shifted and delusional,
a soul like this one
is volatile and reactive.
i suggest keeping distance;
i don't like to associate with acquaintances.

the sun is my moon,
and your moon is my sun.
i thrive on the darkness
you fear.
i reside in your waking nightmare.

sleep, dear beloved.
there, i will not haunt you so.

(c)2003 mai kozai

silence is also music. {2:38 AM}

Tuesday, July 01, 2003

the right, the left

her heart tugged at the right,
but this infatuation-- temptation
is temporary.
and on the other half of its body
the river of life flowed
with difficulty, clearly
unsure and unaware of its pathway.
her heart, confounded,
unnecessary diversion,
different disposition.
too much for her fragile heart,
stop the tugging at once.

steady the river became,
red, full of passion,
at her left.
and the cold, frigid river of blue at her right
receded, noticing the left's existence.

her heart tugged at the right,
but happiness filled her left;
the constant-- the comfort he brings,
had never faded away.
her most essential organ
had not forgotten him.

and so that is why, perhaps,
why she embraces the beloved on her left,
because, of course: her heart resides to her left.
and whom she left deserted before,
she cannot anymore, any longer.

(c)2003 mai kozai

silence is also music. {2:59 AM}

the burial

in this tattered cloth, i hold
what used to be worth more than gold.
now, with this unpleasant exterior,
and i, so inferior,
this once embraced treasure is no more.

so at this burial site, the decision
is to bring to myself a conclusion.
defeat delusion and confusion,
bring to me unconditional salvation.
yes, i must inter the ashes
of our dead love.

(c)2003 mai kozai

silence is also music. {2:46 AM}