silence is also music.

Saturday, August 30, 2003

in the eye of the beholder

the first few seconds your eyes reflected my own,
i never realized just how you saw me.
captured there within your eyes,
like a photograph, suddenly unable to move.

i remember seeing my face gleaming,
a hint of shock drawn in,
but my eyes, oh, my own eyes;
i had never witnessed them to be so vivacious.
i stroked my hair; after the wind had
played with it.
but looking closely into my reflection,
i saw that my hair was nicely done.
there was a definite glow on my cheeks
that i don't remember having,
and a smile depicting ultimate happiness,
but i had never encountered true joy.
i was swaying gently in the breeze,
but i knew i wasn't moving,
i was mouthing something to you,
but i didn't have the power to talk.

my eyes denied their own vision
as they stared into your eyes.

"you're beautiful," you whisper,
and then i understand:
what you see in me reflects back to me
when i gaze into your eyes.

you see in me
more than i could ever see in myself.

beauty is nothing but a vision of the heart.

(c)2003 mai kozai

silence is also music. {8:57 AM}

the truth in the lie

if i say that i need you,
that's not true:
nothing is ever necessary;
there's an easy way out.
but i wish not to find it.

if i say that i can't live without you,
there voiced a lie:
years before we met, i still lived,
and i still do.
but my breathing has become rather difficult
around you.

if i say that i don't want you,
i'm in denial:
to do without you, i can no longer do,
and without you i am not myself.
be with me.

if i say that i hate you,
a truth has finally been told:
for to love you, i must hate you,
for opposites attract.
you are the spectrum of my emotions.

(c) 2003 mai kozai

silence is also music. {8:34 AM}

difference in similarity

i speak.

so you hear.

i mumble.

so you question.

i speak.

but do you listen?

i speak.

do i listen?

i laugh.

so you smile.

i question.

so you answer.

i question.

do you know the answer?

we are different.

so we complement each other.

i love.

so you love.

we are not so different.

(c)2003 mai kozai

silence is also music. {7:28 AM}

the paintbrush

the light of the sun reflects off the mirror
and makes me a prism depicting many colors.
each one so different from each other
yet all different and the same, all from the same owner.

there's a ray of orange behind me,
a stain of red wine on my lips; burgundy.
some brown stroked into my hair it seems,
and the nostalgic scent of mahogany.

there's some green painted on the walls,
this canary yellow leaves me enthralled,
and as the blue of the ocean starts to sprawl,
the room has been engulfed whole.

i pick up the prism and clasp it in my hand.
the once lively room suddenly becomes excessively bland.
darkness falls and i finally understand
what exactly i held within my hand.

i look at the prism again and find
each color extending out again, so blindly.
no sense of direction but of the right mind,
for each and every color has painted this heart of mine.

ah, so it is you, this beauty i hold,
now, things untold, finally told.
and i contently sit and watch and behold;
i see your colors once more unfold.

paint me in you, my love.

(c)2003 mai kozai

silence is also music. {7:23 AM}

Monday, August 25, 2003

a portrait

i drew a portrait today.
a portrait of you, playing the guitar
so sweetly, so smooth,
the motions of your fingers.
so gentle, the harmonies resonating throughout
the room
in the background.
on canvas, your eyes glitter.
i never put it there.

i drew a portrait today.
a portrait of you, playing the piano
so heavenly, so fragile,
the melodies created.
so surreal, the aura about
the room.
on canvas, your heart beats.
but paintings don't move.

i drew a portrait today.
a portrait of you, a portrait of me, a portrait of us
so happy, so faithful,
our smiles at each other.
so real, the fairytale within
the room.
on canvas, we kiss.
but i am not with you.

i drew a portrait today.
and it came to life.

(c)2003 mai kozai

silence is also music. {5:09 AM}

unwanted visitor

dim lights
like a candlelit room.

dear, it is night.

and i hear you in the breeze
that combs through my hair,
and i feel you in the distance
where my mind know not, so impaired.

do i know this feeling?
have we met?
are you situating yourself in me,
unwanted visitor?

make your visit short, stranger.
i refuse to know your name.

Doubt.

is that your name?

i refuse to let you stay.
i refuse to let you blow my candle out.

i refuse to let you steal Love away.

(c)2003 mai kozai

silence is also music. {5:00 AM}

Sunday, August 24, 2003

from a point of view i had denied to see before.

the second proposal

once, i voiced my desire,
but you decided not to listen
to the message that screamed its way out
of my heart.

once, i experienced ecstasy,
mere seconds in your arms,
but you decided to flee me carelessly, unaware
of my broken heart.

once, i wore a smile
that only you could painfully give me,
but you decided a frown would do me better, to match
my wounded heart.

once, i gave you my all,
hoping my kindness shall see me through,
but you decided to take nothing from my everything, leaving nothing but
my dying heart.

once, i tried and failed,
experienced unrequited love so crimson,
but you never noticed the puddle of tears around me, around me
and my crying heart.

once, you saw me,
the chance i've been waiting for
all my life i have yearned for this pivotal moment, managing a smile
with my healing heart.

twice, i've tried,
but only once, i've loved,
and no longer do i weep myself to sleep;
you have my loving heart.

twice i've tried,
only once i've won.

sweet victory,
you and i.

(c)2003 mai kozai

silence is also music. {8:21 AM}